Being Morose

In a dystopian parallel world, Oxfordshire Police have a hopeless drunk and an over worked Geordie novice, working on crime solving mysteries, along with a cast of shady characters in the force, and very dodgy residents, their families, pets, and gardens. Anarchy alcoholic fug and rude words abound "There was no answer from the old scrote. Robbie pressed the doorbell with his elbow, while repeatedly pressing the "call" button on his mobile phone. 11.20am, and all of Oxford was in uproar about the murder of Sir Edward Jayward, their MP, and - and - the man leading the investigation wasn't even answering the door! Stupid old git! Drunken buffoon! Hopeless addled turd! INSIDE the flat, Morose was also flat. On his back. He was listening to 'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles, ' by the Cockney Rejects, on repeat, while he hid under a duvet on the couch. Oooh, the light! The light! 11.20am and there was this awful, blinding light!!! And that confounded banging inside his head. And outside his head. And some ringing in his ears, and ringing outside his ears too! Unless..... Carefully, Morose peeled off the duvet, and cautiously looked around the room. Yes, it was still there. Planet Earth, that is. Cursing his luck, he became vaguely aware that the banging and ringing outside his head, was due to the front door being battered in, and the phone ringing next to him. Taking things one at a time, he wrenched the phone off the wire, and then walked - well, staggered - to shoot the little git hammering on the door. He paused to load his revolver. That prankster out there stood no chance against "Dead - eye Morose," shooting champion of 1988 in the firearms division. Robbie was now using a rock to knock through the panelling on the door. It was 11.22am, and he was getting desperate, the pub would be open soon and Morose would have his mental SATNAV geared for it. 11.23am, and Morose took a deep breath, released the safety catch on the door, and on his revolver. Things were not looking good for either of them. The door swung open. To Robbie's sudden shock there was Morose, and there was a gun pointed at him. "Never answer the door without your trousers on, Sir" "Good point, Robbie" "And a pair of underpants is also advisable, sir" 1. SINS OF THE FEATHERS Left alone with Inspector Morose, Robbie Harris prays for a good murder and promptly gets one in the shape of their local MP. Grilling the entire household, it becomes apparent, that all is not as it should be. Anywhere. But at least there's a full drinks cabinet. 2. MORONIC MYSTERIES An attempt is made on Inspector Morose's life. Sadly it fails, and a guard is set on him as it becomes apparent that a cop killer is out for revenge as is Mrs Harris's bank manager. As Morose begins to recognise familiar patterns in the killers' modus operandi the chase is on. 3. CHERUBIM AND TURPENTINE A missing schoolgirl turns up at the police station and attempts to out-drink Inspector Morose. Modern beat combo music is singled out, as no-one can think of anything else to blame today's disaffected youth on. Daily Mail readers will love it. 4. LAST SEEN SWEARING Morose vanishes on a bender, around the same time as a public school teenager vanishes from the planet. While a trail of bodies and frustrated teachers builds up an off licence is trashed to jolly things - and Morose - up, and Newcastle United visit for some light relief. 5. GEEKS BEARING GIFTS Oxfords' Geordie-Greek community is being culled for reasons unknown. Mrs Harris has a go at culling the bank staff and celebrities start culling each other, while the big chief gets too big headed for his own good. 6. DRIVEN TO DESTRUCTION While Mrs Harris starts a new job, Morose is trying to frame a used-car dealer for random murders. Robbie Harris feels Morose is barking up the wrong tree. A specialist in violence against women feels Morose is just barking. Mindless violence & homicides follow. Follow Morose on Fac

• | Author: MR Ian Udin-Sloan|Howard White
• | Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
• | Publication Date: Apr 17, 2016
• | Number of Pages: 234 pages
• | Language: English
• | Binding: Paperback
• | ISBN-10: 1532806078
• | ISBN-13: 9781532806070