An inspirational true story of my life as an only child; and my HEALING from years of sexual abuse (incest), anxiety, major depression, suicidal thoughts, multiple personalities, panic attacks, agoraphobia, PTSD, and essential tremor. Living with a mentally ill parent and a child abuser brought unspeakable damage to me. I experienced "Soul Murder." Did you know that there are over 99 different after-effects of sexual abuse? I detail all of these in my book for you. I dealt with approximately 75% of the after-effects throughout my life and had no idea why I was so odd and flawed because I had repressed all the memories of the abuse. I have carefully outlined and detailed the keys and tools I used to unlock all my trauma, just for you. The first symptom that grabbed me was fear, when I was under age five. I was shy and withdrawn from people and only wanted to wrap my arms around my mothers legs and hide in her full skirt. Sucking my thumb was my only comfort when I was alone. Unfortunately, thumb sucking caused buck teeth that brought on bullying and taunting by the other kids in the neighborhood and in school. The bullying and taunting made me want to be invisible. The shyness was so extreme that I didn't want to look in a mirror or raise my hand in school even when I knew the correct answer because I would blush and then the teasing from other the kids followed. The night terrors and nightmares began in the fifth grade which included a big black bear that would chase me every night and devour me. The urge to be invisible brought on suicidal thoughts in junior high which I knew was wrong but life was too difficult for me. I obsessively worried about any social interaction especially going to school. I lived for Fridays which would give me at least two days of rest. However, the worry returned Saturday night and was with me all Sunday thinking about Monday and returning to school again. Life as a teenager was difficult at home because Mom was displaying odd behaviors. She believed that people were watching us through the television and heat ducts plus listening in on the phone. I wanted to help my mom but I didn't know what was wrong with her. In the tenth grade an extreme explosion happened inside of me in the school lunchroom . I later learned that the correct terminology for what happened is known as a panic attack. I rarely visited the lunchroom again and began eating my bag lunch hidden in the restroom stall which led to anorexia. I was terrified of being around the other children and teachers. I didn't know it but I was dealing with PTSD beginning in grade school. I constantly worried that I might encounter another panic attack and struggled with hypervigelence around people. After high school graduation, I moved out on my own still suffering from panic attacks, anxiety, obsessive worry, major depression and so many other maladies. Every year my problems metastasized and I didn't know why. Finally I gathered up all my courage and sought help. After many unsuccessful sessions with doctors and counselors who pushed drugs and alcohol, I found one who actually helped me. He taught me tools and tips to deal with my long list of problems. The true healing began when the repressed incest memories revealed themselves to me at the age of 37. I am excited to tell you that my journey brought me to peace, joy and happiness eventually. My trauma was severe but there has been exhilaration when I was released from the pain of my past. If you suffer from any sort of trauma, this book will help you find your way back to your very own peace, joy and happiness. Don't wait another day, walk away from your trauma today!
- | Author: Marilyn Lundberg
- | Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
- | Publication Date: Jun 25, 2018
- | Number of Pages: 577 pages
- | Language: English
- | Binding: Paperback
- | ISBN-10: 1721812725
- | ISBN-13: 9781721812721
